"I get scared every time I switch meds. I desperately want this drug to work. I feel like we’re moving down a list from easy options to difficult ones. If this doesn’t work I’m afraid I’ll wind up taking a pill that just leaves me numb and clutters my “life” with side effects, pharmacies, and pill boxes. Or a poorly designed cocktail that makes it impossible to tell what is helping/doing nothing/hurting. As much as I want a simple pill to fix what’s wrong, I also don’t want to rely on a pill for the rest of my life.
I’m doing so much better than I was at my worst – but is it even possible for me to completely recover? While my psychiatrist tried to find a mixture of drugs that works for me I’m left thinking that full recovery is possible but difficult for me to obtain – this is more stressful than it is reassuring. If this is as good as it gets that is FINE but I need to know so that I can stop thinking that I’m just not trying hard enough."
|Diagnosed with severe depression in 2014 and BP II in 2015. Years of self harm that escalated to stitches, emergency room visits, and inpatient hospitalizations in the psych ward before I realized that I was going to have to fight for recovery - it wasn't just going to miraculously happen. Fast forward to early 2017 and I have been self-harm free for 6+ months. I want people to see that progress can be made. It's HARD but you can do it.|